Islam gives both men and women the same right to choose each other for marriage, and their parents have no power to compel them to follow their wishes. The role of parents is to give advice and guide the couple but the final choice is left up to the man and woman.

Marriage is considered a private matter, so Islam prevents parents from forcing their daughters to get married against their will, as this is unjust and denies women their rights. A woman has every right to accept or reject anyone who proposes to her. Neither her father nor her guardian has the right to force her to get married to someone she dislikes, because marital life cannot be based on compulsion, which contradicts the mercy, tranquillity, and cordiality that is supposed to exist between couples.

Many texts from Prophet Muhammad’s [pbuh] traditions demand that we respect the choice of a woman and denounce any kind of compulsion or injustice towards her. These texts are dated from a time period when Arabs, before the advent of Islam, used to treat women unjustly, deny them their rights, humiliate them and abuse them. For example, the Prophet [pbuh] said, ‘A woman [who was previously married] must not be married again until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought.’ They asked the Prophet of God [pbuh], ‘How can her [virgin’s] consent can be solicited [and confirmed]?’ He [the Prophet [pbuh]] said, ‘When she keeps silent [without voicing her protest].’ [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

It was narrated, ‘A virgin bondmaid came to the Messenger of God [pbuh] and mentioned that her father had forced her to get married. The Prophet [pbuh] told her to choose whether to stay with him or to get a divorce.’ [Ibn Majah and Abu Dawud] It was also narrated, ‘A man forced his daughter to get married, so she came to the Messenger of God [pbuh] and said something like, ‘My father has married me to someone against my will, while I was already engaged to my cousin.’ So he [pbuh] said to her, ‘This marriage is not valid. Marry the one you like.’ [An-Nasa’i] Khansa’, daughter of Khuzam said, ‘My father forced me to marry when I was a virgin. So, I complained to the Messenger of God [pbuh] who told him, ‘Do not force her to get married.’ [An-Nasa’i]

Also, it was narrated, ‘A man from Al-Ansar was killed on the Day of Uhud, leaving his wife and child. The man’s brother and another man both proposed marriage to his widow through her father. The father married her to the other man and refused [to let her marry] the child’s uncle. She went to the Messenger of God [pbuh] and said, ‘My father married me to a man against my will, and refused [to let me marry] my child’s uncle, and now my child will be taken from me.’ So, the Messenger [pbuh] called her father and asked, ‘Have you married so and so to so and so?’ The father said, ‘Yes.’ He [pbuh] said, ‘This marriage is invalid.’ Then, he told him to go and marry the woman to her child’s uncle.’ [Abdur-Razzaq]

Ibn Al-Qayyim stated the Messenger’s [pbuh] tradition that ‘A’ishah [raa] asked God’s Messenger [pbuh] about a female bondmaid whose marriage had been solemnized by her guardian, whether it was necessary to consult her. God’s Messenger [pbuh] said, ‘Yes, she must be consulted.’ ‘A’ishah [raa] asked, ‘What if she feels shy?’ God’s Messenger [pbuh] said, ‘Her silence implies her consent.’ [Agreed upon] This legal opinion means that we have to consult young girls about their marriage. It was also narrated that the Prophet [pbuh] said, ‘A divorced woman has the choice of marriage more than her guardian; and a virgin’s consent must be asked from her, and her silence implies her consent.’

In another narration, ‘A virgin’s father must seek her consent, and her consent is her silence.’ The Messenger [pbuh] said, ‘A virgin should not be given in marriage without her permission.’ The people asked, ‘How can we know if she gives her permission?’ He said, ‘Her silence [indicates her permission].’ [Agreed upon] So, the Prophet [pbuh] forbade marriage without the woman’s permission, and gives the choice to a woman who was forced to marry without her consent. How can we go against the Prophet’s [pbuh] teachings? ^[1]

Islam emphasizes the issue of the mutual consent of both spouses in marriage because they are the cornerstone of a new family. This family begins with a man and a woman enjoying mutual understanding.  Consequently, the promotion of values and the progress of civilization depend on this. The famous poet, Ahmad Shawqi, wrote in regards to the importance of the role of the mother in setting up a Muslim society:

The mother is like a school, through her preparation,           

She prepares a good and noble generation.

^[1] Ibn al-Qayyim, Shamsud-Din, ‘Ilam al-Muwaqa‘in ‘an Rabil-‘Alamin, vol. 4, p.260. Beirut, 1973.